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I enjoy the holiday season, but I hate the holiday shopping — The long lines, the overly warm stores, the cutthroat shopping attitudes. I say no thanks to this type of abuse. This Black Friday, Mary and I went out early morning to run some errands and pick up some essentials. I thought I’d take a peek of what to expect during those last minute shopping runs.

Mary needed a new coat with her belly bump preventing her from buttoning her current jacket. First stop: Kohls. Outside the store was Santa giving out flyers, but not for Kohls, rather for Fashion Bug located across the parking lot. Cutthroat advertising. So we walked into Kohls and were greeted with a cashier line that went around the store. Immediate response, “We’re not shopping here, let’s go!” in a tone like every other impatient husband there.

Video has been adjusted. The original took more than 2 minutes to walk from end to end. 

You would think that Kohls was giving away apple pies or what not. I guess for some people it’s worth the long hours in line when you’re saving 40-60%. Not me. In that amount of time, I can wrap up my shopping for everybody doing it online. I know I can find a good deal online, without camping out for it. I’ve read that somebody camped out for a PS3 bundle then fell asleep at the wheel on the way home.

We did visit other stores like Lowes and Target and found it a lot less hostile and less crowded. I’m guessing the sales weren’t that good there.

So to officially kickoff Push & Shove day, let’s conclude with a fatal TRU shootout and some old fashioned stomping. No joke here. Stay safe, stay home.

I was talking to Danny (That’s his name right? I’m obviously bad with names.) about his newborn. He says he’s Iceman. But he cried in the delivery room. I’m not sure if I would cry, but it would be one of the happiest moments in my life. Nobody needs to tell me that. 

Male Bonding

Tito Rod, Franco, and I had a personal discussion. That’s not something I do everyday. I’m so introvert right? No, it’s because I’m selective with my emotions around certain people. Over the years, I’ve toughened myself not to trust so easily. It’s a rough world out there.

Wood to Burn

A morsel of information — soft wood like pine burns faster. A seasoned log is denser and burns longer.

Jack Daniels (changed for identity purposes)

His hair is spiky, his cheeks are big, and he’s a tiny little fella. He started crying for food, and Mary told me Kitty (Did I get it right?) was bringing her food. Bring this kid a boob was the first thing that came to mind. It’s a glimpse into what’s waiting ahead for me, well for Jagger and Mary.

Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

I can never expect food joints to get my order right. They put gravy on the mash. They forgot the “everything” on the bagel. They bring you the wrong soda.

What Really Happened

He saw the mom in the window. So he went over to her house to say hello. I haven’t heard an funny excuse to break ice like that in a while. You know wha I sa’in?! Sorry, inside joke.

Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving!