Tonight marks another night of eating fast food. I’m not channeling Super Size Me or anything, but I would say 3-4 times a week we’re playing Russian roulette with Burger King, KFC, McDonald’s, and Taco Bell. Yummy right? My weight hasn’t changed much as my metabolism keeps me on the thinner side. But that doesn’t mean I can’t just explode like Pizza THE Hut. Please don’t eat my pepperoni. Wait, what?

I enjoy home cooking, it’s just that it’s not convenient for either of us. Mary comes home late each night due to her commute. And if I took on cooking duty I would be making pancakes, a la IHOP, for dinner every night. On the scale of diversity, I think our palates would be happier with a steady visit from Ronald McDonald and the chihuahua than Aunt Jemima.

Perhaps a change in our menu carousel would be better suited for our healths. Is the food from T.G.I. Friday’s or Ruby Tuesday much more healthier? (On a side note, who are the marketing guys that decided to name their restaurants after name days?) If so, this is going to put a hurting on my wallet like Ryan Clark did to Wes Welker. I suggest that these chain restaurants call on Bragelina and adopt a 99¢ menu.

No, we need to Obamonize our economic situation. Spending $40 for dinner each night isn’t a long term solution. Perhaps I should expand my home cooking repertoire beyond one dish. I don’t want my name next to Souja Boy on the exclusive one hit wonder list. I’ve read a slew of recipes with the recent Thanksgiving holiday, but they all seem too complicated for my “Bubba Shrimp”-esque culinary mind. There must be a Cooking For Dummies book out there, but I can’t imagine it having a variety of dishes that is on par with the complexity of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

This diet solution needs to be addressed sooner than later. When Jagger graduates from pea & carrot smoothies, I don’t want him feasting on McNuggets and french fries. I don’t want his baby frame to support obesity. That would end his sports stardom like how Pollard ended Brady’s.

Any tips? Cash or verbal will do. In the meantime, I’m going to finish off my bacon double cheeseburger.