Pregnancy Battle Royale

18 January, 2009 | Posted by Marvyn

You’re sitting in on the train and there is an elderly and a pregnant woman standing next to you. Who do you give your seat to? If you give it to the elderly, most likely the person will extend that courtesy and offer it to the pregnant woman. Save yourself time and just offer it to the pregnant woman. I believe that pregnancy trumps all in terms of courtesy—let them have the last seat, let them eat before the crowd, let them jump the line in the ladies’ room…But what happens when you group a large number of pregnant women together? Courtesy goes out the window and now you have a bunch of spoiled women with “me-first” syndrome.

We recently had our hospital tour for our expecting and I saw three pregnant women try to squeeze through a doorway at the same time. I guess that they have gotten so used to the me-first priority that it was like a bunch of male alpha dogs competing for the last bone. After a few more squeeze plays through a couple doorways and one everybody-for-themselves dash for the elevator, these women began to realize that this simply was not going to work and common courtesy returned–well, sort of…

While the tour guide walked us through one of the recovery rooms, it became abundantly clear to me that it’s open season on husbands (or partners). Let him sleep on a two foot wide bench while the mother-to-be relaxes in her comfy bed. Let him sleep under the lighted part of the room so the nurses can walk in without interruption. Charge him to eat while she eats for free around the clock. Charge him to watch ESPN in the room while she enjoys her expensive in-room spa service.

I understand that pregnancy to term is a hardship for any woman. Nine months of carrying a little one who kicks and punches, craves food every other hour, and every other type of ailment you never knew about is a very difficult experience. Husbands may never comprehend the pain involved to push out a child (although I hear that passing kidney stones is the the closest and most painful experience for any man). Husbands may never appreciate the suffering a pregnant woman endures during the first few months of morning sickness. Husbands may never experience a sudden shift in hormonal balance.

But let’s not forget the times us husbands were on the road at 3am searching for your latest craving. Don’t forget the time us husbands worked till sunrise a week straight just to pull in a couple extra dollars for the future family. Don’t forget the times we dropped you off at the mall entrance while we parked two miles away and lugged our way through snowy paths carrying all twelve of your shopping bags.

We’re in it together, pregnant women, husbands, partners, and all. So please, next time a seat is offered, let me sit down and you can sit on my lap.

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