Jingle All The Way

Sinbad? Check. Ahnuld? Check. This movie is so bad, it’s good. Definitely not on par with Last Action Hero or True Lies, but when you’re blazed on eggnog, it doesn’t matter.

Gremlins

This isn’t your traditional Christmas movie, but when you receive a mogwai as a gift, you better follow any instructions that come along with it. Plus this one actually hit’s a little close to home. Mary is friends with a Gremlin.

Die Hard

Yippee Kay Yay

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

You know every street has that guy.

Christmas Story

It doesn’t feel like Christmas unless I see this movie at least once during TNT’s all day marathon. If you haven’t seen this movie buy now, go out and purchase the DVD now.

“It is a lamp you nincompoop, but it’s a major award!”…classic.

Have you been naughty or nice this year? If you’ve been listening too much to the little red guy on your shoulder, then you better hope that the elf wasn’t watching you.

“Who?”, you ask.

On the radio this morning a local talk show mentioned this stuffed elf doll conveniently named Elf on the Shelf. The idea, in all it’s simplicity is to leave the elf…on the shelf.

“Why?”, you ask.

To scare of course! Tell your child the elf reports directly to Santa. So if he sees you doing anything bad, Santa will know. That means no more red tricycle, no more Barbie doll, no more Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time. All because the elf Judased you. Simple right? Is this an innovative idea? Or just the start of your kid’s psychotherapy?

You can further increase its effectiveness by taking the elf away at night. Why? Because he’s gone to the North pole to talk to Santa. That’s realism 101.

All in all, It sound like a good idea to me, but I’m not sure the execution is spot on. I think the doll is not the correct elf to use. I have a feeling it has those types of eyes that no matter where you stand, it always seems to be looking at you. I don’t want to checking on my boy at night and he’s in the corner of the room rocking back and forth.

Long holidays confuse my body’s internal clock. Two days ago I woke up thinking it’s time for the daily Monday grind. At least I was comforted by that euphoric feeling when I realized it’s only Saturday. Too bad my euphoria didn’t extend to today. Now I sit here in my cold dungeon of an office, pondering how to start my work week. It doesn’t help that I’ve lazily sat on my bum the last 4 days. So it’s hard to get the work ball rolling especially when that ball is shaped like a cube.

I envy those student teeny boppers I see on the street corner every morning when I walk Oreo. I know they hate Mondays just as much as I do, but at least they don’t have to deal with the financial responsibilities us adults do. Of course that envious feeing dissipates the moment Oreo and I walk back inside and I plunk myself on the couch to play video games for a few hours. Which is something I did a lot this past weekend. A weekend where I can say I’ve accomplished a lot. (or little depending on your scale of accomplishment) Big things I can list are:

• I have bonded with the in-laws.
• Managed my self-will not to buy anything on Friday
• Set up our holiday decorations on Saturday/Sunday.
• And in between I’ve managed to blog just a bit.

My morning chores are done. Oreo has been walked and fed, the Bears are in their fort, and Mary is at work. Shall I tell my clients to F off today and put in some work for the office construction? I have to haul ass on the office because I really need to start working on the nursery, which my parents have been giving me a tough time about. Not the construction, but the floor plans of the nursery.

How do I break out of this holiday crash? Any motivation tips?

Mary and I kicked off the start of the holiday season with a trip to a few local stores on Black Friday. Broke and exhausted, we came back with several stockings for every member of the family. 

My parents and I have never celebrated Christmas with holiday stockings. So this is a first for me. And what better way to start than with my favorite football team, the New York Football Giants.

From left to right the stockings belong to: Me, Jagger, the Bears, Oreo, and Mary. The Pooh Bear (2nd from left) sings too.

Behind the lamp, just above my stocking, it’s a little dancing New York Football Giants bear.

Pretty slick huh? I think Jagger will get tons of entertainment from these. Now I just have to stock up on AA batteries.

I enjoy the holiday season, but I hate the holiday shopping — The long lines, the overly warm stores, the cutthroat shopping attitudes. I say no thanks to this type of abuse. This Black Friday, Mary and I went out early morning to run some errands and pick up some essentials. I thought I’d take a peek of what to expect during those last minute shopping runs.

Mary needed a new coat with her belly bump preventing her from buttoning her current jacket. First stop: Kohls. Outside the store was Santa giving out flyers, but not for Kohls, rather for Fashion Bug located across the parking lot. Cutthroat advertising. So we walked into Kohls and were greeted with a cashier line that went around the store. Immediate response, “We’re not shopping here, let’s go!” in a tone like every other impatient husband there.

Video has been adjusted. The original took more than 2 minutes to walk from end to end. 

You would think that Kohls was giving away apple pies or what not. I guess for some people it’s worth the long hours in line when you’re saving 40-60%. Not me. In that amount of time, I can wrap up my shopping for everybody doing it online. I know I can find a good deal online, without camping out for it. I’ve read that somebody camped out for a PS3 bundle then fell asleep at the wheel on the way home.

We did visit other stores like Lowes and Target and found it a lot less hostile and less crowded. I’m guessing the sales weren’t that good there.

So to officially kickoff Push & Shove day, let’s conclude with a fatal TRU shootout and some old fashioned stomping. No joke here. Stay safe, stay home.

I was talking to Danny (That’s his name right? I’m obviously bad with names.) about his newborn. He says he’s Iceman. But he cried in the delivery room. I’m not sure if I would cry, but it would be one of the happiest moments in my life. Nobody needs to tell me that. 

Male Bonding

Tito Rod, Franco, and I had a personal discussion. That’s not something I do everyday. I’m so introvert right? No, it’s because I’m selective with my emotions around certain people. Over the years, I’ve toughened myself not to trust so easily. It’s a rough world out there.

Wood to Burn

A morsel of information — soft wood like pine burns faster. A seasoned log is denser and burns longer.

Jack Daniels (changed for identity purposes)

His hair is spiky, his cheeks are big, and he’s a tiny little fella. He started crying for food, and Mary told me Kitty (Did I get it right?) was bringing her food. Bring this kid a boob was the first thing that came to mind. It’s a glimpse into what’s waiting ahead for me, well for Jagger and Mary.

Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese

I can never expect food joints to get my order right. They put gravy on the mash. They forgot the “everything” on the bagel. They bring you the wrong soda.

What Really Happened

He saw the mom in the window. So he went over to her house to say hello. I haven’t heard an funny excuse to break ice like that in a while. You know wha I sa’in?! Sorry, inside joke.

Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving!

The holidays are around the bend and you’ve got two sets of families. If you’re lucky (or should I say unlucky) and live in the neighborhood, then you can easily visit both . Otherwise you have to work out a schedule with the spouse.

I’ve been there and done that. We have a loose rotation of who to visit, while I’m more a creature of habit and I am used to visiting specific people depending on the holiday. I had that weird aunt that lived in boredom. No video games, no snacks, no toys. She had a 13″ telly with rabbit antenna ears. Awful.

Now a married man, Mary and I travel up and down the state visiting family members where you stay there just long enough to stuff down a bite or two, all the while checking the clock when you need to leave to get to the next family household.

This year is a little odd as my family’s host is away. So lunch is at the museum…the parents. I enjoy their company, it’s just that it’s always cold and everything is considered on display, as in do not touch. I’m surprised they don’t rope off areas of the house.

I’m guessing tradition trumps my wishes and we’ll spend Christmas at an aunt/uncle’s place. But wait, why not take over hosting responsibilities from the aging and welcome the next generation of traditions? This Christmas I’d like to celebrate it in our home. This will be our first Christmas together with the 16 of us: Oreo, Bear Bear, Koala, Baby Bear, Farrell, Mila, Lila, Teddy Ruxpin, Cinnamon, Pooh, Pooh, Doggy, Panda, Mary, Jagger (in mommy), and me. This way when we open gifts we can play with it right away. It’s such a tease to open the video game you’ve been wanting, only to be at your aunt’s house — the no fun zone.

But returning to my tradition coup d’état, having it in our home allows us to have both families together. No argument between you and the spouse where we need to be or how much fun it is at the other house. Problem solved. And most importantly, when you unwrap Gears of War 2, your XBOX 360 is in the next room.